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What is ‘fawning’? How is it related to trauma and the ‘fight or flight’ response?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alix-woolard-409037">Alix Woolard</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/telethon-kids-institute-1608">Telethon Kids Institute</a></em></p> <p>You have probably heard of “fight or flight” responses to distressing situations. You may also be familiar with the tendency to “freeze”. But there is another defence or survival strategy a person can have: “fawn”.</p> <p>When our brain perceives a threat in our environment, our <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze#in-the-body">sympathetic nervous system</a> takes over and a person can experience any one or combination of the <a href="https://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm">four F</a> responses.</p> <h2>What are the four Fs?</h2> <p>The <strong>fawn</strong> response usually occurs when a person is being attacked in some way, and they try to appease or placate their attacker to protect themselves.</p> <p>A <strong>fight</strong> response is when someone reacts to a threat with aggression.</p> <p><strong>Flight</strong> is when a person responds by fleeing – either literally by leaving the situation, or symbolically, by distracting or avoiding a distressing situation.</p> <p>A <strong>freeze</strong> response occurs when a person realises (consciously or not) that they cannot resist the threat, and they detach themselves or become immobile. They may “space out” and not pay attention, feel disconnected to their body, or have difficulty speaking after they feel threatened.</p> <h2>What does fawning look like?</h2> <p>Previously known as appeasement or “people pleasing”, the term “fawning” was coined by psychotherapist <a href="http://pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html">Pete Walker</a> in his 2013 book <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20556323-complex-ptsd">Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving</a>.</p> <p>A fawn response can look like:</p> <ul> <li>people-pleasing (doing things for others to gain their approval or to make others like you)</li> <li>being overly reliant on others (difficulty making decisions without other people’s input)</li> <li>prioritising the needs of others and ignoring your own</li> <li>being overly agreeable</li> <li>having trouble saying no</li> <li>in more severe cases, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0149763421004917?casa_token=FzabbqNoE0UAAAAA:DAr_QkVegIa70Zheq6vTkCrsYPJdw06kdds659h-VHSRtPSUErDzVgj-YsLunjvGkn4Mwyb1">dissociating</a> (disconnecting from your mind and/or body).</li> </ul> <p>While there isn’t yet much research on this response, the fawn response is seen more in people who have experienced <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00958964.2022.2163220?journalCode=vjee20">complex trauma</a> in their childhood, including among children who grew up with emotionally or physically abusive caregivers.</p> <p>Fawning is also observed in people who are in situations of <a href="https://europepmc.org/article/MED/37052112">interpersonal violence</a> (such as domestic violence, assault or kidnappings), when the person needs to appease or calm a perpetrator to survive.</p> <p>Fawning is also different to the other F responses, in that it seems to be a uniquely human response.</p> <h2>Why do people fawn?</h2> <p><a href="https://www.proquest.com/docview/2447256147/abstract/13E401AC2C1C40C6PQ/1">Research</a> suggests people fawn for two reasons:</p> <ol> <li>to protect themselves or others from physical or emotional harm (such as childhood trauma)</li> <li>to create or improve the emotional connection to the perpetrator of harm (for example, a caregiver).</li> </ol> <p>This type of response is adaptive at the time of the traumatic event(s): by appeasing an attacker or perpetrator, it helps the person avoid harm.</p> <p>However, if a person continues to use this type of response in the long term, as an automatic response to everyday stressors (such difficult interactions with your boss or neighbour), it can have negative consequences.</p> <p>If a person is continually trying to appease others, they may experience issues with boundaries, forming a cohesive identity, and may not feel safe in relationships with others.</p> <h2>What can I do if I ‘fawn’?</h2> <p>Because fawning is typically a response to interpersonal or complex trauma, using it in response to everyday stressors may indicate a need for healing.</p> <p>If this is you, and you have a history of complex trauma, seek psychological support from a professional who is trained in trauma-informed practice. Trauma-informed means the psychological care is holistic, empowering, strengths-focused, collaborative and reflective.</p> <p>Evidence-based therapies that are helpful following trauma include:</p> <ul> <li> <p><a href="https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/">eye movement desensitisation therapy</a>, which focuses on <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-emdr-therapy-and-how-does-it-help-people-who-have-experienced-trauma-161743">processing traumatic memories</a></p> </li> <li> <p><a href="https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/exposure-therapy#:%7E:text=In%20this%20form%20of%20therapy,reduce%20fear%20and%20decrease%20avoidance.">exposure therapy</a> to help expose people to things they fear and avoid</p> </li> <li> <p><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4396183/">trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy</a> that aims to alleviate trauma symptoms by overcoming unhelpful thoughts and behaviours.</p> </li> </ul> <p>Depending on where you live, <a href="https://www.childabuseroyalcommissionresponse.gov.au/support-services">free counselling services</a> may be available for people who have experienced childhood abuse.</p> <p>Setting healthy boundaries is also a common focus when working with the fawn response, which you can do by yourself or alongside a therapist.</p> <p><em>If this article has raised issues for you or you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.</em><!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205024/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alix-woolard-409037">Alix Woolard</a>, Senior Researcher, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/telethon-kids-institute-1608">Telethon Kids Institute</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-fawning-how-is-it-related-to-trauma-and-the-fight-or-flight-response-205024">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

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Bambi-obsessed mother given the ultimate surprise

<p>A woman has shared the heart-warming moment she gave her ill mother the ultimate surprise while she was in palliative care. </p><p>In a post to the popular Facebook group <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/515507852491119?multi_permalinks=940210780020822&amp;hoisted_section_header_type=recently_seen" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Kindness Pandemic</a>, Lisa McDonald said she and her sister have been caring for their sick mother, who is a life-long fan of deer and the Disney film <em>Bambi</em>. </p><p>Lisa and her sister came up with the idea for a real-life Bambi to visit her in her palliative care homes and got in touch with a couple how owned a mobile petting farm. </p><p>The couple, Chris and Simone, travelled two and a half hours to Melbourne in order to surprise Lisa's mother with the adorable fawn, coincidentally called Bambi. </p><p>Lisa shared the tear-jerking video of her mother meeting Bambi, and becoming instantly besotted with the animal. </p><p></p><p>"She has Bambi statues everywhere, she is wearing a Bambi T-shirt in her bed and will be cremated in one too," Lisa wrote. </p><p>"My sister and I and the rest of the family that are supporting us are also wearing Bambi T-shirts... we are calling them our nursing uniforms."</p><p>Lisa contacted Simone and Chris after finding their business and arranged for them to bring Bambi to her mother's bedside the following day. </p><p>"However unfortunately mum deteriorated quickly today and Simone and Chris didn't hesitate... they drove two and a half hours to bring Bambi to meet mum," Lisa said.</p><p>"Out of pure love and kindness. I cannot thank them enough for what they have done for my mum and my family."</p><p>Lisa's post to the Facebook has been flooded with well-wishes after receiving over 17,000 likes. </p><p>"Brought me to tears. What a special and touching moment. Absolutely beautiful people to drive all that way for your mum to experience something so magical before she passes," one woman wrote.  </p><p>"This is so beautiful. She would have absolutely loved this so much. You can see it in her eyes how much joy it brought to her. Bless them, and bless you and your beautiful Mum," another said.</p><p>"I have tears streaming down my face. What a beautiful thing for you to arrange and have happen for your mum!!! She has certainly raised two beautiful daughters with such dedication," a third person said. </p><p><em>Image credits: Facebook - The Kindness Pandemic</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Princess Mary and Prince Frederik blasted over deer hunt pictures

<p>Princess Mary of Denmark and her husband Prince Frederik have been slammed by animal rights activists for their involvement in an annual hunting event that saw dozens of deer killed.</p> <p>The Danish royal family celebrated the King’s Hunt at Gribskov forest on Wednesday and were then photographed outside the Fredensborg Palace standing before rows of deer carcasses.</p> <p>Photos from the event show Princess Mary and Prince Frederik smiling and chatting with other people in the crowd in front of the slain deer. The prince could also be seen inspecting the slain ‘proceeds of the day’.</p> <p>“This morning, the King’s Hunt was held in Gribskov, and this afternoon there was a game parade in front of Fredensborg Castle, where H.M. The Queen, the Crown Prince couple, and the participants of the hunt watched the proceeds of the day,” an <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5GW3NFALto/">Instagram post</a> on the Danish royal family’s official account read.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5GW3NFALto/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B5GW3NFALto/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by DET DANSKE KONGEHUS (@detdanskekongehus)</a> on Nov 20, 2019 at 11:40am PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p> The royal pair has been criticised for setting “poor” example to their four children – Prince Christian, 14, Princess Isabella, 12, and twins Prince Vincent and Princess Josephine, eight – by participating in the hunting parties.</p> <p>Animal rights organisation People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) told <em>Yahoo Lifestyle </em>that the couple’s support for “violent blood sport” may encourage violent behaviour in their children.</p> <p>“There is nothing noble about shooting defenseless animals for fun,” a PETA spokesperson said.</p> <p>“Given the now well-established link between cruelty to animals in childhood and violent behaviour in adulthood, not only is it insensitive for Prince Frederik and Princess Mary to teach their children that killing animals is acceptable, it’s also a poor parenting decision.</p> <p>“Few people today view hunting as anything other than a violent blood sport, a cheap thrill at taking a life and a display of wanton power over the powerless. It is surely the parents’ responsibility to help children grow into compassionate leaders for their country, with respect for all living beings.”</p> <p>Throughout the years Princess Mary has also copped backlash over her frequent use of real fur, including <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/peta-danish-royal-family-seal-fur-stamp-attack-a7374211.html">seal fur traditionally used in Greenland</a>.</p> <p>“Times have changed, and unless Danes wish to be viewed as callous and out of touch, they should start creating new traditions that celebrate compassion and replace those tired, cruelly produced furs with new eco-friendly and humane fabrics,” PETA said.</p> <p><span>See the images <a rel="noopener" href="https://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/peta-slams-danish-princess-mary-over-annual-deer-hunt-012023732.html" target="_blank">here</a> (warning: graphic).</span></p>

Travel Trouble

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Deer approaches man demanding head scratches

<p>A US man has posted a video of an “unreal” encounter of a deer approaching him during a hunting trip.</p> <p>Jordan Maxon was setting up a deer stand in Clear Lake when a young buck began watching him from a distance, he <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://kstp.com/news/young-buck-deer-close-enough-for-wisconsin-hunter-to-pet-him-video/4294426/">told KSTP</a>.</strong></span></p> <p>"I figured I'd wait for him to leave the clearing, however, after five minutes of standing there, he wouldn't leave," Maxon explained <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1hj_B3DF50" target="_blank">on YouTube</a>. </strong></span></p> <p>The elk stayed for around five minutes before it began approaching Maxon, who was able to give the deer a pat and a head scratch.</p> <p>Maxon, who filmed the encounter on his phone, caption his video: "In my 12 years of hunting, or the additional decade of experiences of going hunting with my dad and uncles, I have never seen or experienced anything like this.”</p> <p><strong>Related links: </strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/09/beautiful-photo-series-depicts-how-dogs-age/">Beautiful photo series depicts how dogs age</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/09/why-pets-develop-eye-boogers/">Why pets develop “eye boogers”</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/09/infographic-explains-cat-behaviour/">Infographic explains cat behaviour</a></em></strong></span></p> <p> </p> <p> </p>

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